I wish to openly say something that has bothered me for many many years. It's not that it so much bothered me, but it was something I felt like I had to keep a secret from everyone. I felt embarrassed and even fearful that if anyone knew this about me, I'll be totally rejected.
Today something became apparent to me as I watched another video of someone else who was so wrapped up with their "issue". I noticed that treating it like that made it a big deal, and if it was a big deal, then it controlled me and it simply fed more fear and anxiety into the whole thing. The fear keeping itself alive by keeping me quiet about it.
I'm not going to be quiet about it now. This is what I have to say.
I used to, and still to some degree have a mental disorder. It is called Social Anxiety Disorder, and if you've wondered whatever happened to me or where I disappeared to, that is why.
I had a fear of people and social interactions. I had a fear of being negatively judged and evaluated, and I felt very alone. Not something like shyness, it was more like a phobia. I could not leave the house by myself, I could not use the telephone. I could not drive, I could not hold down a job. I could not live.
You may have noticed I was always the quiet one of the bunch. I was very conscientious of that. That was over four years ago.
I've been doing a lot of work on me since then, and I actually live like normal people do [whatever the hell that is], but I know I can do even better. I want to go beyond normal and into phenomenal!
So if anyone would like to get together some time to catch up, have some fun, I am available. lol really. And I would like that.
Doreen J Anaka
*note - I posted this on my FB account as well. I'm just gonna tell the whole world!!!!!!!
No more hiding!
PS - My sorry, I haven't been working on any arts as of lately. Life has been hectic to say the least lol.