Dear friends,
I wish to openly say something that has bothered me for many many years. It's not that it so much bothered me, but it was something I felt like I had to keep a secret from everyone. I felt embarrassed and even fearful that if anyone knew this about me, I'll be totally rejected.
Today something became apparent to me as I watched another video of someone else who was so wrapped up with their "issue". I noticed that treating it like that made it a big deal, and if it was a big deal, then it controlled me and it simply fed more fear and anxiety into the whole thing. The fear keeping itself alive by keeping me quiet about it.
I'm not going to be quiet about it now. This is what I have to say.
I used to, and still to some degree have a mental disorder. It is called Social Anxiety Disorder, and if you've wondered whatever happened to me or where I disappeared to, that is why.
I had a fear of people and social interactions. I had a fear of being negatively judged and evaluated, and I felt very alone. Not something like shyness, it was more like a phobia. I could not leave the house by myself, I could not use the telephone. I could not drive, I could not hold down a job. I could not live.
You may have noticed I was always the quiet one of the bunch. I was very conscientious of that. That was over four years ago.
I've been doing a lot of work on me since then, and I actually live like normal people do [whatever the hell that is], but I know I can do even better. I want to go beyond normal and into phenomenal!
So if anyone would like to get together some time to catch up, have some fun, I am available. lol really. And I would like that.
Warm regards,
Doreen J Anaka
*note - I posted this on my FB account as well. I'm just gonna tell the whole world!!!!!!!
No more hiding!
PS - My sorry, I haven't been working on any arts as of lately. Life has been hectic to say the least lol.
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
Theme
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But of course there are always the rules......
Please please please fave the journal!
Make another journal about this giveaway and provide a link of that journal in the comments (this will help spread the word about this giveaway)
this journal 
oints:
Rules
Should be about School Times!
, comment and watch!
I'm glad I posted the journal since it actually served as a place to discuss it as well. FB not such a great place for in depth discussions. XD
It's been a long hard battle, but it's getting gooder. Thank you again, hope you are keeping well!
It took a long time to adjust. It wasn't until college that I got proactive about it. I got involved acting in theater, which forced me interact with other people and in front of large groups. There was nowhere to hide then. I put a lot of effort into it and it really helped. I even won an award in a regional competition.
I'm glad to see that you're looking to actively address the problem, too. You won't get any better by hiding from people.
Going for the theater, wow a big step, it's great how that helped you. In highschool I felt I wanted to get involved with it, but I never understood my "fear" at that time so I didn't get involved in any school clubs. Ignorance is not bliss. XD
Last sentence here so true. I remember coming across a quote that made me think differently about the whole thing, "Avoidance actually maintains and heightens anxiety". So running away really is the worst thing for it. Knowing that made it easier, even if just a little because then ya know there is no other option.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience.
i kind of think most people who are "active" on the internet have some sort of social disorder that makes the internet easier to deal with... for me i am an autistic brat 8V i consider myself mid-functioning but its probably worse than i make it out to be since i can barely speak well to people IRL and communication is incredibly difficult xD but reading and writing that is the format of the internet makes things easier and more comfortable to deal with. theres no face to look at and no words to listen to. if you think you misunderstand, you can just reread the comment to make sure. but regardless of what brings a person down in terms of medical condition, as long as they try and work with it and dont let their lives become possessed by it, it is fine c: sometimes you may even find strength that comes with it xD trying to overcome a disability can make you a really strong person in the long run. thats what my mom says :V she doesnt want me to see autism as a disability but as an opportunity. so keep up the good work!!!
Though the one thing we can't forget about the internet is this, it's easier to find like-minded people you share interests with than irl. I barely know anyone irl who I can talk to most of the things I do. They just aren't into it. But come online I know so many personalities. We just find each other easier. All a new social system for us to get used to. I'm sure when phones were first introduced some out there denounced them as being to impersonal. Bet they never would have dreamed a world where we only know people by "words" on a screen.
Thank you! Best to you!
I've never been diagnosed with SAD, but I often used to have a difficult time time with socializing with people. Like, I was so introverted (and still am to some degree) that I didn't even try to socialize with anyone in school. Well, that and being bullied for many years may have had something to do with it as well.
So hang in there, and I really wish you got online so we can chat or start a FF7 based RP!
Hanging out would be teh awesomesauce XD This world needs more kooky-nerds
Making the first move is hard, but it makes all the difference. That was something I was stuck on a long time. I was too afraid so I wanted others to reach out to me, but they never did. I came to figure they thought I wanted to be left alone so that's why they did. So absolutely one has to make the first move. Then accept it whatever happens.
Hahahaha yeah! I don't have much free time these days so that's why I haven't even done much here on dA. Taking a course and it takes up a good chunk of my time, that and my job is just retarded these days. XD Maybe one day.
The world needs more kooky nerds indeed. Nerd IS the new cool after all!
To an extent I am still a little hesitant on the first move, but I think meeting parents and students IF I ever get a teaching job will break me of that totally. It is nice having few quirky friends like me though.
See if it makes you feel any better, I MIGHT even feel charitable and let you have Cid and I'll take Rufus (God, he's hot, too. A total asshole but so hot). But yeah, I know what you mean with the school and work thing. I did it for a long time too, remember??
I'm learning to live with it, but I always feel like a burden on my friends. I'm scared people will stop talking to me once they find out, because it's happened in the past. So making friends and talking to others always scares me. But people like you have made me very happy to talk to. You are always so kind and understanding. So I'm telling you this now for a reason.
I trust you.
You're totally amazing, and I'm so incredibly glad I know you.